So, was I ready for another night of obnoxious vibratos, not-quite-naked catalogue models and the sea of glittered attire? You bet I was. After last night I was hoping for something more along the lines of my taste, whatever that may be. Were any of these songs worthy of my Ipod? Last year was a dud in that respect, but 2005 and 2006 managed to somehow attach one each onto me.
Iceland - started off the evening with classic Eurodance/trash. Not a terrible song, the kind you could dance too after you've had a few too many jelly shots and will dance to almost anything with a pulse. Didn't like those slight twinges of pink on an otherwise perfectly ok black outfit. Quite meh-ish.
Sweden - was she all black and white at the start? Cos that really screwed with my eyes; not a good start. The microphone looked a lot like a diamond-crusted dildo, so I dont know whether it's even worth considering whether that was supposed to be innocent or not. I'm pretty much sick of power disco ballads by now, no matter how much longer those stalks of legs could possibly get.
Turkey - looked a lot like Kings of Leon, minus the identical haircuts. Loved the silvery guitar, so there's a plus. Good enough song, probably better than most band acts so far, can't find anything particularly interesting to say about them though.
Ukraine - another scantiliy clad chick in sliver? Very much like a 90s dance pop song. Like a Bond-girl with all her skinny goons following her around like flexible robot slaves.
Lithuainia - long dark hair, tight leather pants, puffy half-opened shirt, two of the greenest eyes you'll ever see.... nope. Unfortunately this guys failed miserably at the sexy medieval type, he looked more like a former wrestler trying to turn goth. Anyway, he tried waaaaaaaay too hard at singing powerfully that it backfired right from the start.
Albania - pretty girl, better voice than most other girls, but yet another boring ballad. Enough with the "emotion". By the way, was that a cape she was wearing? Oh, so when SHE does it, it's stylish and supposedly sexy, but when I do it, I resemble a mental patient?
Switzerland - finally a singer with substance. And piano. *sigh*, the simplicity. Well, minus the pyrotechnics and out-of-place dancers. The guy's voice wasn't anything too special, but I dont care cos my goodness what a hottie! He had that smile that said "I'm a good boy, but still oh-so-shaggable". And the fact that the song was in Italian didn't calm down my repeated sighs. *sigh*!
Czech Republic - female skimpiness and slight silver cover-up seemed to be the theme for tonight. The "Dj" had the kind of moves that make you want to bash his face in. And whoever told this girl she could sing was either tone deaf or was trying to play a rather mean prank.
Belarus - enough with the greasy hair and tight, half-open shirts already! Well, at least it's not that frequent this year, but this is probably the second, if not third one. We GET it, you're trying to make up for what you lack by sloshing your hair with reeking after-shave and showing everything else to make us guess the proportion, but mate, unless you've got a Lambo and a well backed-up cheque book, I aint falling for it. Leggy dancing girls don't make it any less gayer, Asta la vista, indeed, listen to your voice on a recorder, please!
Lativa - good lord, pirates? Do I look 5 years old to you? I bet they stole it from Hi-5's repetoire. You could try to tempt me with hidden treasure and say "hi hi ho ho hey" all you bloody want, but this level of daggy aint cute.
Croatia - very Gotan Project-ish, so therefore not too bad. Actually quite catchy. If only the frontman were younger and hotter. But someone should have given that poor old man his pills, he looked just plain confused and intimidated by all the lights.
Bulgaria - numerous epileptic seizures were probably caused by all those blue flashing lights and breakdancers. The only thing that broke it was yet another blonde girl in a dress tailored for a drag queen.
Denmark - cute, catchy, The Basics meet The Cat Empire, therefore sweet. Nice simple tune, the lyrics coulda been better in some respect, but that's me being really nitpicky. Therefore a pretty good song, keeping in mind that i'm speaking relatively here.
Georgia - Boooooooooooring. The glasses made her look like a fly. Not as dark as it was probably trying to be. And the swtich from black to white? Peace will come? Puh-lease, if I wanted to watch the questions section of Miss Teen America I would.
Hungary - good if Bette Midler or Barbara Streisand is your kinda thing, so the kinda ballad my mum would like. Good back up singers. Not deep enough for me, but then again what in this contest is?
Malta - intense dancing, sounded almost like that electronic murder of Zorba the Greek from a few years back. Didn't really like the singer, probably because she wasn't very tuneful. Hope they were able to treat their leg cramps after that speed-fuelled performance.
Cyprus - femme fatale with their traditional flavour, so something slightly original for one. I could be asking for too much here, but the energy with which the girl dances reminds me of a certain fateful awards performance, don't need to name names here.
F.Y.R. Macedonia - white rappers. Thank you. Just when I thought we'd go and entire contest without seeing any. I thought we left them back with Eminem in the early noughties. The singer seemed too heavy for the dancers to give her a decent lift. Not a particularly sexy for a song that's asking us to let them love us.
Portugal - the singer's lipliner is so intense that it made her look like her wax-job came back with a Magnum P.I. style vengeance. Looked like something out of a musical, something an evil witch may sing, but not good enough for something like Wicked. Boring overall, but at least the vocals were decent.
Quite tame compared to last night. Nothing desparately woeful, so kudos to the Europeans on that. The hot Swiss guy got my vote, so obviously I was yelling at the telly like a mad-woman when they didn't get through and the stupid pirates did. Who gave the kindergarten kids a phone? At least Denmark got through, so all is not lost, but if I want to see my new sweetie again I have to bloody youtube him.
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